Wednesday, December 31, 2008

goodbye, 2008...


My initial thoughts about tonight were "hooray--2008 is OVAH!!!" Yet, looking back, it was actually a wonderful, wonderful year. I was blessed with some of the most amazing times of my life, both with my children and alone. I made new friends, travelled more than I have travelled in my entire life, and had tons of fun. I found a new hobby. I got a new job. I tried on a couple of new relationships, and realized that I will not compromise myself for companionship--and that actually, I rather like being single! My children grew and made me proud, and I grew along with them. I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams. So goodbye, 2008--it was a very good year!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

nap time...



can't keep my eyes open...
I think 2008 is finally catching up with me.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Christmas memories...


pretty lights...snow...freezing and laughing in NYC...those amazing Rockettes...kids playing cards in crowded airport floors while stranded in DC and NYC...the prettiest tree ever..."almost grown" kids...good food...good friends...good times...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Christmas pictures...



As you can see,the tree got decorated. The annual Christmas pix finally were taken last night, between errands and an indoor soccer game. I have wrapped nothing, have no clue what I have bought, and we leave for NYC in 48 hours or so. It's beginning to feel like Christmas.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

memories of the tree...



I have happy memories of my family's Christmas tree when I was a child--the utter enormity of it, the smell, the lights, the year(s) it fell, the old-fashioned ornaments, the ones I made every year(satin balls with pins and beads and little sequined and beaded story book characters), lying underneath it squinting to blur the lights into a million stars reflected in the icicles...
I have not so happy memories of my family's Christmas tree when I was a child as well--the fusses about the size, shape, lights, things that never seemed to matter to me then, or now.
I have happy memories of my family's Christmas tree when my kids were small--going to buy it, bringing it home, the lights, the annual ornaments they all got, the mess, the pets, the pictures, the music, the chaos, lying underneath squinting to blur the lights into a million stars reflected in the icicles...
I have not so happy memories of my family's Christmas tree when my kids were small, and evidently so do they. For the past 7 or 8 years they have had little to no interest in a tree, but I have held fast to the tradition. Last year, it was just me and Spence throwing it together. This year I think Conner has no interest whatsoever, but Spencer and Morgan Elise want to put one up. Me? I get exhausted just thinking about it. I guess I am just tired of trying. Yet I cannot imagine the house without the smell of a tree and a Christmas without those amazing icicle stars.
I guess some day I will have a year without a tree. But it doesn't look like it will be this one.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Christ Climbed Down by Lawrence Ferlinghetti




Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no rootless Christmas trees
hung with candycanes and breakable stars

Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
there were no gilded Christmas trees
and no tinsel Christmas trees
and no tinfoil Christmas trees
and no pink plastic Christmas trees
and no gold Christmas trees
and no black Christmas trees
and no powderblue Christmas trees
hung with electric candles
and encircled by tin electric trains
and clever cornball relatives

Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no intrepid Bible salesmen
covered the territory
in two-tone cadillacs
and where no Sears Roebuck creches
complete with plastic babe in manger
arrived by parcel post
the babe by special delivery
and where no televised Wise Men
praised the Lord Calvert Whiskey

Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no fat handshaking stranger
in a red flannel suit
and a fake white beard
went around passing himself off
as some sort of North Pole saint
crossing the desert to Bethlehem
Pennsylvania
in a Volkswagen sled
drawn by rollicking Adirondack reindeer
and German names
and bearing sacks of Humble Gifts
from Saks Fifth Avenue
for everybody's imagined Christ child

Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and ran away to where
no Bing Crosby carollers
groaned of a tight Christmas
and where no Radio City angels
iceskated wingless
thru a winter wonderland
into a jinglebell heaven
daily at 8:30
with Midnight Mass matinees

Christ climbed down
from His bare Tree
this year
and softly stole away into
some anonymous Mary's womb again
where in the darkest night
of everybody's anonymous soul
He awaits again
an unimaginable
and impossibly
Immaculate Reconception
the very craziest of
Second Comings

Friday, December 12, 2008

windblown...


I'm feeling a bit windblown, waiting for something to catch and hold me safely. Silly me...

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

good times...


So I have this wonderful friend, more of a brother, really, with whom I have weekly playdates. We generally spend a couple of hours shooting pix, then go have a coffee or tea and coke and look at each others stuff. Afterwards, we go home and download the pix, play with them, and share our favorites. It is the highlight of my week.
The really cool part is not the picture taking, but the opportunity to share time with someone that is as comfortable to me as another person could ever be. He is more like family than my own flesh and blood, and I treasure him in a thousand different ways. So, just in case you are out there reading, sweet John, I love you, and I treasure you and our friendship. We have to continue to make time for our playdates in 2009...OK?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Do you hear what I hear?


My daughter's choir concert was Friday night. It was a magical experience--all the cream of the crop musical kids at the school (known for its fine art/music program) in a symphony and chorus of Christmas music. It restored my soul. Thank you, Baby Girl, for a musical miracle of Christmas.

Friday, December 5, 2008

jingle all the way...



Christmas shit is everywhere. Is is me or does it get tackier every year? The artificial gaiety is almost disturbing. So many people suffering, worrying, wondering how they are going to manage to FEED their children while others simply call in the decorators and personal shoppers, write a check, and continue along without even noticing that the day has come and gone. The only Christmas symbol I have seen that resonates with me this year is the Salvation Army lady at Kroger, ringing that infernal bell and smiling, always smiling and wishing the apathetic shoppers a Merry Christmas.
Don't get me wrong...I am not depressed. Disgusted is more like it.
"Where are you, Christmas?"

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Insight...



I am always amazed at how things work out. Being something of a control freak I spend a lot of time and energy worrying about and fussing over things that I perceive need fixing. I especially devote enormous amounts of time and energy to those problems that are not mine to fix--probably because they are the "safe ones"--if I don't succeed, well, they weren't my problems to begin with. Yet, when I finally just step back, take a deep breath and let go of my need to control and my need to be in control, things happen. Things that I could never envision, or imagine, and they happen seemingly effortlessly. Wow. The universe CAN function without my ultimate control. Amazing.