bye bye, my gi gi

I guess she is well and truly gone this time. She wandered out of the house 10 days ago, unnoticed by the boys, and by the time I noticed she was gone it was evening. No sign of her since. I hope and pray she is somewhere where she is loved, adored, and appreciated. Somewhere else where she can sleep on the pillow by her human's head and make biscuits in their hair. With someone who brushes her mats out, and gives her treats. With someone that loves her.

agotado...

Some things are just better described in another language, perhaps because we have worn out all the words we know. After 10 years I have found a new word to describe how I feel. I think I need a whole new language.
I know that I will not heal until I forgive. And I have tried. God knows I have read about it, prayed about it, meditated about it, chanted it, blogged about it, journaled about it...everything but done it. I have got to move on.

still thinking...

I wonder sometimes if I have just been so battered and bruised that I will never be really myself again. If the sore spots will ever heal...if I will ever be able to just "get on with it" and live my life. I guess time will tell. For now, back to my version of normal.

water, water, everywhere...

My basement flooded this week. First time ever, near as I can tell...it was a mess. Fortunately, I have good family/friends to help me out. Everyone pitched in (and bailed) and there was remarkably little damage. Amazing. Amazing especially my mood/attitude about the whole thing. Calm. Blessedly calm. I guess I am finally realizing that most things are inconveniences and very few are calamities. Still, I'd rather spend my time with sparkling blue water at a coast somewhere...with someone special...

rethinking....

I swore off of relationships a while back. Decided that I needed no one but myself, and that it was better and safer that way. May be time to re-think that one.

Charlotte's Web...

I had a pet spider last fall...a huge one that lived on the front stoop and shocked everyone who rang the bell. People invariably wanted to squash her--"Damn, lady, there's a big-ass spider on your porch!" and actually thought I was odd when I indignantly informed them that I knew and to kindly leave her alone. Of course, when winter came, she did what spiders do...and I was sorry to see her go. It was slightly less devastating than when I read Charlotte's Web when I was six, but still, I privately grieved...
This morning I noticed a web under the back porch eaves...and another spider. I am convinced that is it one of her offspring. This one has chosen a more private, sheltered area to spend the fall. Away from the ignorant cads who would destroy her world with one swoop, yet delightfully just outside the kitchen window. Welcome, Charlotte II...may we have a lovely fall together.

endings...and beginnings....

Summer has come...and gone. School is starting back, the kids are already "one foot out the door". It has been a quite a year so far. I seem to be purging. New job. New car. Hair cut. New carpet. Hopefully some new attitudes and the demise of some old thoughts. New gratitude. New perspective on who I am and what my life has the potential to become. Making room for more joy...